And just Who is getting Fucked Tonight!? 

The decline of sex appeal and desirability of cis heterosexual men in the Western world and beyond 

Men can ruin a perfectly good song. They can turn a romantic ballad into a humiliation ritual or a fun and flirtatious line into a horrific exchange. The creeps in the corner have skipped mustering the courage to request a dance and are bombarding their way through a crowd of beautiful women to stand on stage, rip off each other’s shirts, and swing on lollipop poles. It’s hard enough already to stay vigilant to prevent date rape and harassment, now we must suffer the mental anguish of men being “baddies.” Male loneliness isn’t real they are just suffering the true effects of women expressing their power of choice. The male gaze serves no one and pays in the dividend of embarrassment, disappointment or both.  The music SUCKS!! Music has always been a vehicle for fashion. Nelly and the St. Lunatics had us wanting a grill and every pair of Air Force Ones. Ja Rule, DMX, and LL Cool J turned the popular work shoe, Timberland boots into a fashion statement. Where did the fun go to die? Many male rappers have placed a great deal of equity in social media virality; the result being in streams just to reach the point of the song thousands of people have memorized on Tik Tok. Music has become less about personal creativity, expanding the persona, and clever lyricism. This copy-paste behavior echoes in the representation and behaviors of man in the western world.  

Fashion once gave men the type of confidence that manifested in their sense of expression. That confidence created an environment that resulted in cohesive coexistence in third spaces like social gatherings and nightclubs. Presently, women can barely enjoy themselves due to ill-dressed men with gaudy jewelry pieces worn by overly competitive patrons who cannot accept rejection. A well-dressed, attractive man is a scarcity. With homophobic ideals and the lack of autonomy looming about, we see countless pot bellies in form-fitting t shirts, bedazzled skater jeans, and sneakers with an array of color schemes, patterns, and textiles mimicking the kiddie superhero shoes with Velcro straps and a light up effect. Tight tailoring is the trauma response to the extra tall t shirts and off-the-rack business suits NBA players would wear on game day in the early 2000s. Are these our kings!? 

Men have always emulated their favorite athletes and rappers. With the rise of social media, it has become a series of “trend-chasing.” We get it, you are getting to the bag. We get it; you could rock Chrome Hearts every single day if you wanted. The Nike tech jogger set with a balaclava mask to add to your mysterious aura, honey we know you’re the hardest in the city. Clothing has been a man’s most overt sense of expression for centuries to exude status, affluence, and creativity. As the fashion industry and its practices continue to decline with the rise of fast fashion and a downturn in third spaces for men to be expressive, whatever results in jealousy from other men, (because envy is currency within the patriarchy) that is fashionable.  Did all the notable brands specifically targeted to the male and masc-presenting consumer disappear?

 If men do not like their clothes, they are not confident. That lack of self-worth and frustration is then directed at the very same party they desire to impress, women. Men understand where the female gaze can take them and their status. With so many male-focused clothing brands either ceasing to exist or conjoining with female oriented brands, the quality and shelf life of clothing has decreased. On a worldwide scale, scarcity is rampant in the fashion industry. Basic life skills like sewing and repair are now dormant. If you see a man online sewing his own clothing or upcycling an old vintage item from the thrift store, you can bet the responses are full of more questions about his sexuality than his skills. Skill-based creativity versus the desire for high end fashion has birthed a gap in smarter purchases.  

Men are under the assumption that quality clothing is only accessible to celebrities and men of a particular socioeconomic status. The uniformity and conformity of fashion among men are resulting in the extinction of staple, individualized looks. Fast fashion and the lack of size inclusivity are playing a key as well. Fat men exist and instead of creating a conversation around making clothing that flatters all male body types, many settle looking like they are on the precipice of a mid-life crisis wearing clothes representing a generation they can barely keep up with. None of us can help what is marketed to us in mass, men aren’t to blame for their limited options. It is however very evident how it is affecting men altogether. One band, one sound, one man, I guess.  

This is how the system of patriarchy operates. Men have allowed themselves to believe their fashion choices translates their access to men they want to align themselves with and gaining proximity to women they deem more desirable. Men view fashion as a performative key to a world they are locked out of until they can “look the part”. They are willing to attain fruitless platonic connections with men that lack interpersonal alignment and community in exchange for the fleeting comfort of superiority. Saving money for six months just for a singular purchase to flex in a dark room filled with hookah smoke in a seated section full of other male carbon copies salivating at the opportunity to play show and tell with a beautiful woman is not resulting in those one-night stands illustrated in the rap music of yesteryear. Men have created this social dynamic hellfire.  

Men perpetuating and existing within the constraints of the male gaze is making them unattractive and insufferable. How many times have you come across a post online about how seldom you see an attractive man in public? Post pandemic the popularity and growth in online dating continues to yield more horror stories and uniquely unpleasant outcomes. The fallacy of online dating does not lie in the extended period of not meeting the stranger face to face anymore. Men have simply lost the art of courtship via verbal exchange. Kindness, respect, and flirting aren’t reserved for after sexual encounters and relationships. Asymptomatic to their functional illiteracy, men are wielding their impulsive deviancy leaving women offended and reclusive. The entitlement is dousing fuel on the dumpster fire that is the dating scene.  Men are existing in the chaos their forefathers built. The mating male bird attire, the piffling hypotheticals to bait women into engagement online, the lack of awareness when sharing public spaces, with no foreseeable signs of the dismantling of misogyny and accountability coupled with changed behavior, there isn’t a soul who deserves to get fucked tonight.